I like going out once in a while still, and then I wear nothing special,
just my normal feelgood clothes. I just dance a bit, and I watch the
18year olds, their clothes, their make up, their way of behaving… And
I’m so glad I’m no longer part of that, that I don’t need to belong to a
scene to have an identity, that I can be proud of who I am, without the
consent of my peer group. That I no longer have the need to be accepted
by them. I can just stand there, and watch, and enjoy the sight, and
not give a damn about what they think of me. If I’m fat, so what ? I
like dancing so I dance. I no longer have the need to seduce other
people, to attract all eyes.
Oh yes, I love to wear a spikey collar,
but just cos I like it. Actually, I really wouldn’t want to be 18
anymore. Not with this peace of mind, this … maturity. Weird ?
Maybe… But when you have reached a certain state of mind, you’ll know
what I mean.
I can have great fun with 20year olds, since there are a
lot of those in my wide circle of friends, but sometimes me and Faust
just sit back and listen, and smile. Were we once like them ? As
single-tracked, as naive, as zealous, as eager to conquer the world ?
Maybe I lost a lot of ideals and gained a lot of hard reality… I don’t
think it made me bitter, only a lot richer. It does take a while to
realize that tho. Guess I’m just happy the way I am now, and that counts
a LOT !