I like going out once in a while still, and then I wear nothing special, just my normal feelgood clothes. I just dance a bit, and I watch the 18year olds, their clothes, their make up, their way of behaving… And I’m so glad I’m no longer part of that, that I don’t need to belong to a scene to have an identity, that I can be proud of who I am, without the consent of my peer group. That I no longer have the need to be accepted by them. I can just stand there, and watch, and enjoy the sight, and not give a damn about what they think of me. If I’m fat, so what ? I like dancing so I dance. I no longer have the need to seduce other people, to attract all eyes.
Oh yes, I love to wear a spikey collar, but just cos I like it. Actually, I really wouldn’t want to be 18 anymore. Not with this peace of mind, this … maturity. Weird ? Maybe… But when you have reached a certain state of mind, you’ll know what I mean.
I can have great fun with 20year olds, since there are a lot of those in my wide circle of friends, but sometimes me and Faust just sit back and listen, and smile. Were we once like them ? As single-tracked, as naive, as zealous, as eager to conquer the world ? Maybe I lost a lot of ideals and gained a lot of hard reality… I don’t think it made me bitter, only a lot richer. It does take a while to realize that tho. Guess I’m just happy the way I am now, and that counts a LOT !

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