Enough of knowing
enough of not knowing
enough of being able to
enough of not being able to

Ironically the Latin word for enough is satis
like in satisfaction
which is exactly what you can’t get

Hmmm… Let’s start with school. I still really don’t like this school, no matter how much credit I gave it. The students are okay, but I don’t like first grade too much to teach. I miss my seniors…
Some colleagues are nice, some are definitely cool to see again, but most are just… Boring, dull, annoying, irritating. Some people won’t even say hi to me, guess I’m just too weird for them, they definitely feel WAY better than me. The average conversation is Pamper level. It’s like these people just don’t have a brain. Sigh…
The building itself is too small, and has this really dead look over it. All is somber, hardly any natural light, despite all the trees outside. I just don’t feel at home there.
And worst part: it will prolly be the school for the rest of my life. Heard this week that I lost my old school for good. I don’t stand a chance to get appointed there again. Damn. Nearly lost this job too, but the principal is willing to go to some lenght to keep me there. He knows I’m good. God I hate this situation.

Anyway, luckily I still have my friends to keep me feeling alive. Wednesday grimlach came round for breakfast, so we had coffee, pastries, and then started to saw some planks that I really needed to get out of the way. Thx again, Nihil, for helping me out !
At night my parents and younger bro with his gf were over for mussels. It was my dad’s birthday, so my mom let him believe that we would go out for dinner somewhere else. He never suspected anything, even when they came at my house. He thought they were just picking me and Bart up. Even the aperitif didn’t raise his suspicion. Then he wanted to show me sth on the computer, so he passed the set table. His face was glorious ! He hugged me a couple of times, and told him how glad he was dinner was at my place. Was the best birthday since a really long time, he said.
The evening was quite allright indeed. The mussels were superb, everyone said, especially the ones in cream. Fun was had by all, also a heavy stomach :-pp

Thursday nothing much happened during the day. In the evening there was Nephilim roleplay, nice session. We finally got somewhere, and we’re all getting better as we’re gaining levels. Good thing.

Friday was cool. Did some nice teaching, came home cos there was a guy doing the maintenance for the floor heating. Needed to leave again for a staff meeting at school, then reception. Nothing special, had some nice talks. Drove on to Faust’s place. Had a really good time there, several fits of laughter, and that was before we had smoked even the slightest bit of weed. The weed didn’t really make things better, when it came to laughter and fun. A great night, indeed. These are the moments making life worth while. Was home round 11.30 tho, in a weird mood… Chatted a bit with Les, fell asleep in Bart’s arms.

Stoned rant

Kinda stoned here, and in a weird mood… Dunno why tho, and really don’t know why I’m updating this exhibitionistic outlet of my shallow thoughts anyway.

Lots and lots of thoughts are crossing my mind… It’s like I can’t get control over them sometimes. A multitude of thoughts is fighting their way out, and in trying to do so, they get smudged and blurry and sometimes completely dadaĆÆstic. My own thoughts do surprise me sometimes. I know where they do originate, and if I try, I can retrace them and restore them to the original thought they were. Most of the time, when Jeckyll is in control, my thoughts behave like German army troups at a parade. Problem is, that when Hyde takes control, she doesn’t care about getting them all in line. So my thoughts act like the winds released by Aeolus in Vergilius’ Aeneid, and just rush forward, not taking into account any of the consequences they might cause. I must admit this leaves me puzzled, usually. Really depends who is with me.

In an odd way, Bart makes Jeckyll take control again. Faust, however, manages to encourage Hyde to bridle those thoughts, and tho they’re pretty insane sometimes, my thoughts usually make sense. But when left on my own, and I’m stoned, I find it hard to control my thoughts. I can’t even think in complete sentences then.

LOL probably not making much sense here. I think I would have to explain this train of thoughts in person to make any sense at all :-). Whatever šŸ™‚

Ok, this is what happens when you’re discussing sex and porn with a gay guy. I asked him if straight porn did sth to him, and he said ‘Well no, the chick is always in the way !’

Laughed my head off.

First day at school was, well… a first day at school. And I really don’t like the school.

I’m getting sad emails from the students of my former school, full of disbelief, and very reproachful. ‘Why did you leave, miss ? Where did you go ?’ It hurts…

So yep, I had a weird weekend…

Thursday night was very cool tho: had a really nice Cthulhu session, even tho another one of the party is completely insane now. The log is on http://www.nyarlathotep.be, but only the handouts are in English, I’m afraid, the rest is in Dutch.

On Friday I had to do a lot of administration for school, which I truly and thoroughly hate. Forgot to have lunch, went to school for deliberations of the summer exams. Why on earth did I make them retake their exams ? The principal overrules my decisions anyway ! Student A: 44% on the Xmas exam, 24% in June, the principal forced me to give him another chance: 42% this time. The guy passed, can go to second year of Latin. WTF ????

Bart called me in the mean time to ask me if I wanted to accompany him on a BBQ that night with his boss and his colleagues. I couldn’t really say no…

Anyway, I was pretty annoyed by the time I left the school at 16.45u, way later than I had foreseen. Bart had been nagging about getting pads for his expresso machine, so I decided to go to the supermarket first before stopping at Faust’s, since I simply love the guy (wanted to bring some for Faust too, since he asked me too (he got an expresso machine last week) and had convinced me that I love him too). If I ever have the preposterous idea again of going to a supermarket on a Friday afternoon at 17.00, hit me ! The worst thing was that the shop’s inventory differ from shop to shop, so I ended up without the pads (“Sorry m’am, that item is not in our racks yet”) and with a really nice headache.

Arrived at Faust only at 17.40 (bloody traffic!), just in time to have a quick cup of coffee and to leave again, getting ready for that BBQ. Sigh. BBQ was really ok tho: real nice food, pretty nice company too. I ended up having not too bad a time, I must admit.

Saturday I slept pretty long, got all fancy dressed and make up on and nice jewellery, cos I had this reception to attend/help with. My eldest brother, still single, has this bank office, and it was the official opening of the new location. There was this huge reception with all kinds of drinks, hot and cold munchies, and loads of people. I think there were about 500 people in all. They all wanted to say hi to my bro and hand him a present, mostly flowers or champagne. I had to be there to take the gifts and put them away, to chat a little to the people (I know most of them too), take photographs and play the hostess. Some people even thought I was his wife, LOL ! Anyway, this lasted from 15.00 till 21.00h, my feet hurt !!! My younger bro, his gf, my mum and the two assistants in the office ran around the whole time with glasses, drinks, hors d’oeuvres… Bart wasn’t there, had to go to a memorial service for his granddad, also with drinks and food afterwards for the family, which he had to help serving.
I kinda had plans to go to the movies at 10, and afterwards to a goth party with faust and Jurryt, but I never made it in time for the movie, and my feet hurt way too much for dancing. Luckily, when Bart came home, he gave me a swell foot massage… Isn’t he the greatest ? :-)))

Today was just a lazy day: slept long, had expresso and croissants, played some AC… Watched the MTV Awards while knitting on this ever so cute baby jacket, aniseed green, for a friend’s unborn baby… Took a long hot bath, watched some more telly…

Tomorrow first school day…

Just got a phonecall, and all smiling now. Was a colleague from my new school, who teaches Greek and Latin as well. She just read that it was me coming back to teach, and she was so pleased by that that she phoned me to welcome me back. We will prolly see each other on Monday, but as she stated, it will be so busy and loud then, that we wouldn’t have time to talk. So she phoned just to be able to say how happy she was to have me back. She didn’t have to worry about the students anymore now, she said.

Can’t say I like her a lot, but she’s a good teacher. This appreciation really feels good.

Went to bed real early on Monday, I was exhausted… Then mosquitoes came and kept me awake a large part of the night, so no good there.

Yesterday I got up to go to school and examine some students for their re-examinations. Can’t say they did too well, I’m afraid. While sitting there and watching them take the exams, the secretary from school came in and told me I had to phone to another school, being Mariakerke. They have a full time job there for me, and it’s really close (like 3 miles) from where I live. Can’t say I like the school too much tho, been teaching there before. The classes aren’t too great either: 3 times first grade (12 year olds), once 2nd, once 3rd and once 4th. So no seniors for me this year… Too bad, I really love the philosophy and rhetorics I have to teach in 6th grade.
But at least I have a job now, for an entire year, a steady income, only one school, close to home (I can go by bike :-)). I’m happy. We’ll see what next year brings then.

After the exams and some administration issues, I went to Faust. He got this great expresso machine from his parents, so we sat there and drank Caffe Latte all afternoon, talking (for some odd reason most of it was about sex… Yep yep, a woman and her gay friend talking about sex and the sex drive that makes most guys think about every 7 minutes about sex, about favourite positions, etc etc) and smoking some. Had a really nice afternoon, I must say.

At night I watched some telly and did tons of phonecalls, in total over two hours, to various people to tell them that I had a job again, and relate my doings in Scotland and stuff.

Yep yep, I think my life’s back on track.

Home now, and I miss Les… Yet I’m looking forward to the moment Bart will be home, I’m expecting him any minute. Why does this have to be so difficult ? Why can’t we just live in a polygamous society ? Sigh…

Yesterday Les and I went out for a delicious meal, and then we got back home, changed and went for a night walk along the pitch dark rocky coast. I really loved that…
Came back home, and packed my stuff, since the next morning would be really early.

I can assure you, 6.15 IS early when you’re used to having a long lie. Kissed Les goodbye, and took a plane to London and then another plane to Brussels (since the direct flight was full). Kinda made it alive, despite my airsickness… I think I’m getting a wee bit used to it by now.

Heh, can’t wait till the end of November: Les is coming over for my very favourite Larp, he’s gonna join my gang of barbarians, and all that on my birthday šŸ™‚ Yay! Too bad Bart nor Faust are coming…

Gonna snooze a bit till Bart comes home with his new PC… I want a huge amount of hugs from him!

Still in Scotland, and a bit sad now, cos I’m leaving tomorrow šŸ™
Friday Les and I slept long after our night out, and then went into Ayr, a town nearby, to do some shopping. Found a nice gothic top (Omen) with long cobweb sleeves, forked and nearly a meter long. Also found a nice litte birthday present for Randall. Bit late, maybe, but haven’t seen him IRL since. In the evening we went back to the Ballast Bank, along the sea side for a walk and some pictures. Too bad the sky was too cloudy for a real nice view. After the walk we went up tot the 24 h Tesco to do some shopping for the next day: we planned a picnic.

Saturday 7.00 am: raining. 8.00 am: raining. 8.30: stopped raining, but all was still very wet, so no use in getting up already to go to Culzean Castle. We hung about the house till about noon, took our stuff and left. Weather had cleared up just fine, so all was bright and sunny again. Had a really nice picnic in the castle gardens, and wandered around a bit, along the Swan Pond, the Cliffs Walk… Nice day indeed ! We drove back home and picked up a curry for me (hard to find decent Indian food in Belgium), just in time for the game. The guys came over at 7.00 for Warhammer, and I played along with John’s character, since he couldn’t make it. Fun evening. crazy gang.

Today we really slept long, and started talking. Had a really serious talk, I might relate some of it later when I’m in a pensive mood. Then we took the car again and went for a long walk. Now we’re just chilling at home, gonna go out for a meal in a bit.

I miss Les already..