Quite an uneventful week, actually, apart from…

Got a phonecall on Monday evening, Faust. I had already sensed last week that sth was wrong, but I never really asked, since I hadn’t been alone with him. Well, it all came out on that phone. He’s really doubting his relationship again. Last year, after little over a year, he broke up with Jurryt, cos he’s too shallow, no real wit, no backbone. Faust spent the next four months alone, and found out how hard it is to find another Gay Gothic Geek. He brooded and thought a lot, and on New Year’s Day, he went to Jurryt to get back together. Jurryt was so happy, Faust is the man of his life. I shook my head, and kept silent.
Now, after 9 months, the same problems resurface. Jurryt is a really sweet guy, very loving and all, but… No depth. So Faust is really doubting, and will probably end it again.
What has this to do with me ? Well… Simply put: if Faust goes down the drain, so do I. We’re soulmates, we’re related. If he can’t sleep, I’ll have a very uneasy night. If he’s restless, so am I. If I need to talk, the phone rings before I have decided to call him. So if he gets depressed…

Tuesday after work, I went to his place, and we talked a lot. Made him see things more clearly. Wednesday nothing much happened: physiotherapist, that’s about all. Thursday I was really beat, dunno why, really tired when I came home from teaching, and I went to show my mum the new city library and the big mall near it. When I came home, I just crashed on the couch, felt exhausted. Too tired to read, nothing on telly, arm too sore to be at the PC… Called Faust, but he had visitors. No roleplay either. Friday I had planned on being at his place all afternoon, but my father in law was here to weed the garden, clean the pavements, repair a doorhandle and lock… Ended up at Faust only round 6. We talked, I had to calm him down cos he was very jumpy. I never made it to the coffeehouse where Bart and Dirk were, thought I’d meet them for dinner. Dinner was cancelled cos of the crappy week Ilse had had, and she wanted to go for a swim. So another uneventful evening at home. Played some more Asheron’s Call.
Today: nothing much either. Bit chilly, so I lit the fireplace :-))) God I love roaring blazing fires ! Me on the couch, cat at my feet, dog next to me on the floor, beautiful classical concert on the telly, fire roaring… So I fell asleep !

Sometimes I think I’m getting old…

Listen, I have a LJ to keep in touch with my friends, and to spill my emotions and thoughts in a rather impersonal way.
I AM SICK OF THE DRAMA ! To be honest, I don’t give a fuck whether one of you is a pedophile, and another is just a egocentric bastard, and another can’t stop moaning. I started frequenting the NYCgoth chat about 4 years ago, and I met some wonderful people there. With Cliff not always being the grown up he claims to be, the atmosphere in there wasn’t always too great, so I popped in the new OhMyGoth to see if it was any better. Originally I thought it was, but after a while it turned out to be exactly what it said it despised: another copy of NYCGothchat. Little difference tho: less drama in the latter, since a lot of people in there are older and a little more mature. That is why I returned there…
But now I’m seriously contemplating not visiting either anymore, as long as this vendetta keeps going. I’ve had it. I get teenage drama all day at school, I don’t need some adolescent behaviour in my free time. So would you please STOP annoying the hell out of everyone ? IF you don’t like someone else, leave that person alone. It’s the net, you can’t force anyone in frequenting this or that chat.

Oh, and if need be: both chats are very easily shut down due to formal complaints of cybersex. Very easily, if you know the right persons. Belgium is rather sensitive when it comes to illegal porn. And since on both chats there are under aged people….

Heh, this solution would sure stop the drama šŸ™‚

Rereading Douglas Coupland’s ‘Microserfs’ here, and I was wondering… What would your 7 Jeopardy categories be ? I’m still not sure about mine… These would be some tho:

– Latin
– Ancient mythology
– LARP
– Tolkien
– classical instruments

Still thinking about it tho.

Kinda, anyway… I’m not supposed to type a lot, since my arm is hurting like hell. There’s a huge inflammation of the tendon in my right arm, starting at my elbow, but spreaded out already. Been to the orthopaedic on Monday, he gave me an injection with lidocaine, and told me to see a physiotherapist.
Tuesday I went to work normally, tho it did hurt and spoil my mood. My 4th graders knew about that: even tho I had given them a warning not to mess with me, since I had quite a bit of pain, they weren’t completely quiet as I had demanded. I punished the whole class by announcing a test on Friday. Quite a big one.
Wednesday no working for me, but I had to take the car to the garage for new tyres and basic maintenance, so that’s what I did. Had to wait for 1.5 hours, so I took a walk in the drizzle (yet it was hot!) to the mall 20 mins further, bought some Tshirts for Bart, bought myself a nice black hat/cap, walked around, got back. Went to entertain Faust, brought him his coffee, LOL, chatted a little, drove him to his class. So glad he’s taken that up again.
Thursday I started teaching, but quite unexpectedly the fourth hour I had to write on the blackboard for an entire hour (they hadn’t seen a bit of grammar, which I was convinced they had), which wasn’t really ideal for my arm. Man, even tho they were so sweet, wiped the board for me, helped me, it just didn’t work. 5th hour I didn’t do much more than chat with the students, I couldn’t concentrate anymore. Then I had lunch, excused myself, went home and got some painkillers. Phoned the doc again, he prescribed me some anti-inflammatories (had to pick the note up the next day or so). Slept a bit, pain is exhausting. Had a parents’ meeting at 7, so I dressed up for that and went, then went to the Cthulhu session. Was an odd session, we were all acting pretty silly. Fun tho. Randall will tell you what happened.

Friday I decided to give that arm more rest, took more medicine, read a little (is about all I can do, I shouldn’t be here typing either, since that hurts too), went for lunch with Grimlach and Faust. When we arrived after lunch at Faust’s place again, I had to ask for another painkiller. That, the company and the weed did help a bit. At least I wasn’t sweating for pain anymore.

For the rest, I’m bored. There’s nothing for me to do but reading and watching telly, and sleeping. I corrected some little tests last night, but that made my arm hurt a lot too. This typing will result in at least 2 hours complete rest. Sigh…

Opera tonight, free tickets šŸ™‚ Zone Orfeo, a modern adaptation of the Orfeo of Monteverdi. Kinda curious, going with Gwen, my best friend when it comes to girls. She’s a Latin teacher too, and since we both teach the original text of Orpheus, this can be interesting.

Ophi out, hurts too much.

September 11 rant… Don’t read it if you’re easily shocked.

Maybe you can’t understand this, but… A year ago, I sat in front of my television set, my mouth open in horror, all cold, when I saw the towers fall. Yet I felt a very strange sensation, as apparently most of the Europeans did, so it seems afterwards.

I felt so sorry, so at a loss for all those people, and I thought it an outrage, a … Something that you can’t find words for, that is just NOT done.

On the other hand, this crossed my mind: ‘YES ! Finally ! IN YOUR FACE, BUSH ! Finally those arrogant, abusive Americans, open to porn yet so puritan, selfproclaimedly defending the freedom of speech yet censorising everything that is said, mingling in affairs that they should leave alone, refusing to mind the environment as is said in the Kyoto treatise and providing for our children a nearly uninhabitable world, judging other people and killing them for the crimes they do, yet refusing to let Americans stand trial in an international court… Finally those bastards who think they own the world, GOT IT COMING ! They’re not invincible, and finally someone had the guts to let them know !’

I know this sounds horrible… But it is the truth for most Europeans. I don’t claim that Europe is that much better, but just don’t think that the entire world is pitying America. No, we’re pitying the thousands of people that had to die for America to wake up, and after a year to see that that was all in vain. America is dozing off again, after having destroyed many thousand lives more in Afghanistan. Does any of you CARE ??? This might seem harsh, but I pity those in Afghanistan an LOT more. They hate the Americans more than they hated the Taliban. Can you even IMAGINE ???? These people have a good reason. America killed thousands of people more than the ones that got killed on Ground Zero. Problem is: we’re not in Afghanistan, it’s not even close, we don’t need to think about it. Ground Zero we can see, we can feel. We can’t block that from our minds, we lost people there, we HAVE to cope with that, so… We’re shocked. We’re outraged.

Let me tell you… No matter how many ones of you I consider personal friends in the USA, as a country I loathe the States, and everything it stands for. Its self-indulgence makes me sick. Especially when I see that they think they have the right to kill other people. The WTCbombing won’t be the last. I’m really convinced they’re will be more attacks. Untill America sees that they have to start taking other people into account.

Sorry if I have shocked anyone personally with this, I didn’t mean to. It’s just the general view of a damn lot of people here, and I think it might wake some people over there up.

Enough is enough. Let’s stop the war. It’s been enough.

Felt like the Boomtown Rats this morning – I don’t like Mondays. It was a very busy day, teaching non stop (or that’s what it felt like, I had a lunch break) from 8.30 till 15.30.
Came home, did some house work, and went to the orthopaedist. I’ve had this nagging pain in my right elbow for like two months, ever since I wore myself out in cutting the hedge. Thought I just pulled sth, and that time would mend it. Quite not so, it only got worse.
He said I have an inflammation on the start of the tendon of my lower arm, told me to give it some rest, and gave me an injection with lidocaine right on the sore spot. Just great. Now I can’t even butter my own bread. Bart’s being a real sweety, taking care of me. Gonna make it an early night anyway, maybe with a painkiller or so. Need to teach first thing in the morning, arm needs to be painless, or at least on a tolerance level.

Oh btw, period was late for like 17 days, I started to hope already, but alas… No natural conception, was very unlikely anyway. Gonna start IVF again in October. Really looking forward again to all the hormones. Sigh… I just can’t wait.

Enough

Enough of knowing
enough of not knowing
enough of being able to
enough of not being able to
enough

Ironically the Latin word for enough is satis
like in satisfaction
which is exactly what you can’t get

Hmmm… Let’s start with school. I still really don’t like this school, no matter how much credit I gave it. The students are okay, but I don’t like first grade too much to teach. I miss my seniors…
Some colleagues are nice, some are definitely cool to see again, but most are just… Boring, dull, annoying, irritating. Some people won’t even say hi to me, guess I’m just too weird for them, they definitely feel WAY better than me. The average conversation is Pamper level. It’s like these people just don’t have a brain. Sigh…
The building itself is too small, and has this really dead look over it. All is somber, hardly any natural light, despite all the trees outside. I just don’t feel at home there.
And worst part: it will prolly be the school for the rest of my life. Heard this week that I lost my old school for good. I don’t stand a chance to get appointed there again. Damn. Nearly lost this job too, but the principal is willing to go to some lenght to keep me there. He knows I’m good. God I hate this situation.

Anyway, luckily I still have my friends to keep me feeling alive. Wednesday grimlach came round for breakfast, so we had coffee, pastries, and then started to saw some planks that I really needed to get out of the way. Thx again, Nihil, for helping me out !
At night my parents and younger bro with his gf were over for mussels. It was my dad’s birthday, so my mom let him believe that we would go out for dinner somewhere else. He never suspected anything, even when they came at my house. He thought they were just picking me and Bart up. Even the aperitif didn’t raise his suspicion. Then he wanted to show me sth on the computer, so he passed the set table. His face was glorious ! He hugged me a couple of times, and told him how glad he was dinner was at my place. Was the best birthday since a really long time, he said.
The evening was quite allright indeed. The mussels were superb, everyone said, especially the ones in cream. Fun was had by all, also a heavy stomach :-pp

Thursday nothing much happened during the day. In the evening there was Nephilim roleplay, nice session. We finally got somewhere, and we’re all getting better as we’re gaining levels. Good thing.

Friday was cool. Did some nice teaching, came home cos there was a guy doing the maintenance for the floor heating. Needed to leave again for a staff meeting at school, then reception. Nothing special, had some nice talks. Drove on to Faust’s place. Had a really good time there, several fits of laughter, and that was before we had smoked even the slightest bit of weed. The weed didn’t really make things better, when it came to laughter and fun. A great night, indeed. These are the moments making life worth while. Was home round 11.30 tho, in a weird mood… Chatted a bit with Les, fell asleep in Bart’s arms.

Stoned rant

Kinda stoned here, and in a weird mood… Dunno why tho, and really don’t know why I’m updating this exhibitionistic outlet of my shallow thoughts anyway.

Lots and lots of thoughts are crossing my mind… It’s like I can’t get control over them sometimes. A multitude of thoughts is fighting their way out, and in trying to do so, they get smudged and blurry and sometimes completely dadaĆÆstic. My own thoughts do surprise me sometimes. I know where they do originate, and if I try, I can retrace them and restore them to the original thought they were. Most of the time, when Jeckyll is in control, my thoughts behave like German army troups at a parade. Problem is, that when Hyde takes control, she doesn’t care about getting them all in line. So my thoughts act like the winds released by Aeolus in Vergilius’ Aeneid, and just rush forward, not taking into account any of the consequences they might cause. I must admit this leaves me puzzled, usually. Really depends who is with me.

In an odd way, Bart makes Jeckyll take control again. Faust, however, manages to encourage Hyde to bridle those thoughts, and tho they’re pretty insane sometimes, my thoughts usually make sense. But when left on my own, and I’m stoned, I find it hard to control my thoughts. I can’t even think in complete sentences then.

LOL probably not making much sense here. I think I would have to explain this train of thoughts in person to make any sense at all :-). Whatever šŸ™‚

Ok, this is what happens when you’re discussing sex and porn with a gay guy. I asked him if straight porn did sth to him, and he said ‘Well no, the chick is always in the way !’

Laughed my head off.