I like going out once in a while still, and then I wear nothing special, just my normal feelgood clothes. I just dance a bit, and I watch the 18year olds, their clothes, their make up, their way of behaving… And I’m so glad I’m no longer part of that, that I don’t need to belong to a scene to have an identity, that I can be proud of who I am, without the consent of my peer group. That I no longer have the need to be accepted by them. I can just stand there, and watch, and enjoy the sight, and not give a damn about what they think of me. If I’m fat, so what ? I like dancing so I dance. I no longer have the need to seduce other people, to attract all eyes.
Oh yes, I love to wear a spikey collar, but just cos I like it. Actually, I really wouldn’t want to be 18 anymore. Not with this peace of mind, this … maturity. Weird ? Maybe… But when you have reached a certain state of mind, you’ll know what I mean.
I can have great fun with 20year olds, since there are a lot of those in my wide circle of friends, but sometimes me and Faust just sit back and listen, and smile. Were we once like them ? As single-tracked, as naive, as zealous, as eager to conquer the world ? Maybe I lost a lot of ideals and gained a lot of hard reality… I don’t think it made me bitter, only a lot richer. It does take a while to realize that tho. Guess I’m just happy the way I am now, and that counts a LOT !

Man I feel lousy !! Hardly slept last night, tossed and turned all night long, and so did Bart. We didn’t eat anything wierd tho, wasn’t our stomach. Grmblll. Bet I look horrible too now. AND it’s still raining outside. My first days of holiday and I’m bored already. So many things to do outside, eg. the sales which I wanted to go to. I just can’t park the car in the city these days, and it’s raining too hard for a bus, cos I HATE damp buses with wet people on it. Grmbl.
Faust ICQd me yesterday afternoon, while I was doing the invoices for our company, and he wanted me to come over for coffee, after he had done some chores in the city. ‘Fine’, I said, ‘lemme know when you’re back, ok ‘? I called him in the evening to ask why he didn’t notify me. ‘Oh’, he said, ‘I thought you’d be coming anyway, I was expecting you.’ Hmm. How was I to know when he was back home ? Moron. Prolly not gonna see him this week now 🙁

Gonna go to a ‘party’ this afternoon: a friend/colleague of mine asked some other colleagues for a drink in her new house, we planned on sitting in the garden. It’s cold and soaking tho, we’ll be sitting all inside having hot cocoa and coffee, I suppose, instead of cool long drinks.

Man I hate it when summer starts like this !

Finished correcting for this year, and even without spending my nights at it ! That must be a real first ! I remember years that I had procrastinated all the work that much, that I spent correcting all day up till 6 AM… Not this time. I’m DONE !!
Another week at school for meetings and deliberations, adn then: two months off ! Yay !!

Me happy camper now !

BTW, today ruled: spent a whole part of it with Pumuky and Samalla, and man, she’s hot !!! And did you know that Pum is a wonderful tuba player ?

Ok, I’ve had bad groups, but this one… Out of 19 first graders, I expected 8 to flunk. Hoped for less, but that was realistic, I thought. NOT ! Only 7 of them made it, which means 12 did not pass for Latin. Am I really such a bad teacher ? This never happened to me before ! Sheez, makes me all depressed ! Those poor kids ! I did show the exam to Xavier, and he said it was not too hard, actually. Hey, first one has 95 %, second has 87 %, heh, last one has 7 %. They just didn’t study. Or are they that stupid ? I refuse to believe that. Man… This sux big time !!!

Hmm, cast quality was below every standard: it just didn’t want to dry. This kind should be dry in about two hours, but although it had been cast at 5 pm, I had to put on a very thick sock to keep it from staining my sheets. Cast was still wet this afternoon, so I went to see the doctor once more and he put on another cast. Foot is hurting too…

For the rest: busy as always, haven’t been in game for over a week now. Exams are coming nearer, and I still have to make them all up. Hmmm. Lots of work still. Can’t say I’m looking forward to it.

On June 12 the carpenter will come to install the new stairway to the second floor of our house. We used to have a gigantic attic, now we’ll get it finally transformed to sth usable. This being a new attic (was like 4-5 meters high), a big room/office for our company (www.netlash.com, working on the English version, Dutch only for the moment), a sauna and a relax room (with our comics collection, a bar for cocktails, stools, comfy chairs…) shower, toilet and a little hall. Not bad, huh ? grimlach already promised me to help a bit putting all the stuff up there. Gonna be quite a change, when Bart will finally have his own space to work and I can do whatever I like down here. I’m such a chaotic mind: I’m working and doing tons of stuff at the same time, which makes me run around a lot, and gets on his nerves. It will be better…

BTW, gonna start IVF again at the end of this month. Third time, good time ? Dunno…

Had a very weird day yesterday, nothing seemed to go the way it should. For example, I got so annoyed that in the one school the classroom hadn’t been cleaned for months, that when one of my papers stuck to the table, I had enough of it and went, pretty angrily, to look for some cleaning material.
The corridors, tho not that clean either, are pretty slippery, so there I slipped with my heel, and sprained my ankle. Didn’t think it that bad, but went to the doctor anyway for insurance matters. He put a kind of a cast around it. Hmmm. Nice… Oh well.
I can still walk, tho Bart calls me Humpty Dumpty right now. Wonder what the students will say

Had this wonderful larp this weekend. The weather gods favoured us, since there was rain announced, but somehow we managed to avoid the showers there.
Had to play the beggar’s queen of a complete gang of beggars, was hilarious… Those poor players didn’t know what hit them: organised beggar crime ! Their leader was a real tyrant, blackmailing her own people, threatening them, organising them too. Black market, thieving, anything. Man, this was so typecasted !
At least as hilarious was the short part I got as Sister Almonella, the cooking nurse. She walked around waving herbs, had to explain the most crazy stuff. Was nice.
Had the most fun tho with the sunday morning part as noble lady, daughter of a duke, very naive but very haughty and rather pregnant, tho she didn’t know that at first. Poor doctor (player) who examined her: she fainted, squealed, sighed, and agreed to use abortion herbs since her father would kill her if he ever found out. Had to ‘ask’ the other nobility around for money, loads of them, since the herbs were very expensive. Explained to them the techniques of Heraldism too, improvised there for over half an hour about heraldic signs and colours and specifications, without (out game) knowing the least about it. Big fun !

Very tired now and a working day ahead, but happy again. Had good fun. Liked it a lot !

BTW, I love my Bart, my Les and Faust! Heh. Lucky me !

Poem of a young (19) friend of mine, we go a long way, and we’re both the real gothic type, I’m afraid. It just made me cry again. Damn, I’m sad…

Sit down and have a drink
We’ll talk about our misery
So we won’t have to think
It’s been a while for you and me
Since we’ve known the way to go
In fact we never did
We just put on our little show
And kept fears and doubts well hid

So come on and have another round
It doesn’t matter either way
‘cause when they close, we’ll head on home
And forget all about our fighting day
When we hoped we would survive
Sad to say we never did
…to think it’s only years ago
that I was still a kid…

Ok… Maybe I have all the luck right now I deserve, and there wasn’t room on my luck list for anything more… Oh well… Maybe next time…

Sigh… Can’t say this is easy tho…

Isn’t it weird, how you can fall in and out of love with your love ? I mean, I’ve been together with Bart for over 9 years now, of which nearly 6 years married. I have never stopped loving the guy, on the contrary, the feeling just has deepened over the years. But the thrill has gone. Well, not really, but we know each other so well, every habit, every trait, every bit and piece. Not that that’s not nice: I love his habits and the whole of who he is. But usually the butterflies are gone. Till a certain moment, you look at him when he’s in your arms on the couch while you’re watching TV, and there’s that hot flash thru your body again, and you just can’t stop smiling. And all you want to do is cover his face with kisses, so that’s what you do, and the look in his eyes is so loving…
We just had tea together, a bit ago, I had forgotten today is a holiday, so no shops are open, and I defrosted some rolls. He offered to make us some scrambled eggs with cheese to go with them. And after that, I cleaned some strawberries and cut them up, to go with some vanilla ice cream. While he was putting the dishes away, he looked at me and said: “Aren’t we just lucky ? Aren’t we just two happy people ?” And all I could do was smile back at him and agree. Dog and cat were licking their paws, and silently agreed as well.

Is it weird to be happy ? Cos, deep down, I just am…

Tomorrow results of the pregnancy thing. Wish me even more happiness, people…